30th Birthday

30th birthday gift

I turned thirty, finally. I've been waiting for a long time to enter the age of thirty which I thought would give an end to the period of ongoing transition. Twenties was a long path of transition for me along which I'd been collecting pebbles. I collected a variety of different pebbles so that I would lay them for a new life structure on which I could build my own unique future. I thought the day I turned thirty I could just empty my pockets out and found it right there but even the path itself didn't come to an end on 10th April. Nothing happened. Nobody stopped me on the way and told me it was the time to let the pebbles go for the next period.  

Expectation of such an illusion was so inspiring, though. I kept on reading, writing, translating, taking photographs, and doing a million of other things I'd expected to help me build something totally new and huge. Nothing new or huge showed up. It wasn't frustration that I felt. It was more like confusion when you got out of the bus at the wrong stop. You are familiar with the neighbourhood but you can't tell where to go for a few seconds. Then it dawns on you: The transition is still going on. There are more pebbles to collect.

The problem is I'm not patient. I'm not patient enough to wait for another decade to see how the forties feel. I should preach myself not to rush. I am most welcomed to my thirties and I should just enjoy this part of the path right now. Spending too much time thinking about the next part would end up somewhere dark and depressing. "The dark is scary," as the owl who was afraid of the dark put it.